he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
