I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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