Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
