You're completely useless in the revolution.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize