The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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