She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
