i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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