just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
