1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
