if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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