I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize