Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
