Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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