i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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