I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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