My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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