he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
