So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
should my penis look like a turkey
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
