A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
