quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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