it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
