Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
