I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
