I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
