But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
