Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
