i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
