My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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