Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
