Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
