You just made me feel so damn special
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
