Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
