i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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