I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You were trust falling into bushes
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
