I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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