Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
