omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I want to make a zoo with you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
