she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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