drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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