Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize