i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
