dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
