Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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