he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
