some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
