Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
