He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
