I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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