i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
