I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
