o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
