I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
