it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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