god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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