Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
