Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
