The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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