Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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