I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
