dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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