he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
