my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize