you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
