I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
