halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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