I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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