I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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