I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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