You just made me feel so damn special
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Randomize
