I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
