the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
