apparently the secret to your success is patron
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
