I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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