HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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